Clues and Recreation
by Uxiea
Summary: AU/Crossover: Parks and Recreation's cast meets the 1985 movie Clue. A humble butler, Haverford, decides to host a party for his employer with a select group of eccentric people who have one thing in common: they're all being blackmailed.


The sky was turning pitch-black and there was a thunderstorm approaching. A black car was up a hill, towards an ominous and intimidating black mansion, where the now occurring thunderstorm would cast lightning bolts around it. As the car drove up to the entrance of the house, a small brown man holding a paper bag and wearing a black fedora and fancy tuxedo exited his car. He walked to the door, but a medium sized dog with only three legs tried to attack him. He flinched and frantically walked away from him, and reached inside his bag. He grabbed the meat he had with him and threw it towards the crippled dog, distracting him while he shortened the chain he was attached to. He stopped to check his shoes and walked inside.

He walked in, briskly wiping off his shoes and hanging up his coat and hat. He waltzed toward the library, where music was playing faintly, getting louder as he approached. A medium height maid with dark hair stood, dancing to Shake, Rattle and Roll as she polished drink glasses.

"What's happening, Annette?" he asked the maid giddily, in a faux British accent.

"I told you, Mr. Haverford, call me Ann," the maid responded. "And I'm not going to speak in that French accent, even if you're into it. Plus, your British accent is fake and I can tell. You're not fooling me anytime soon."

"Whatever you say, _Ann. _Do you have your instructions?_" _She nodded, and Haverford headed to the kitchen to check on the chef. "Is everything alright, Mrs. Wicks?" He spoke, walking down the small flight of stairs in the kitchen, however he was interrupted by Wicks bringing the knife she had been polishing up towards Haverford, pointing it at his neck.

"Dinner will be ready at 7:30." she spoke coldly, glaring at Haverford. She smiled, and turned around to return to her knife sharpening.

Haverford left the kitchen opened the door, which was rung by a tall man with a large handlebar moustache, who was looking down at the crippled dog, who was continuously growling at the man.

Haverford flinched before answering the bell with a "Hello sir, good evening!" He thought to himself, _I gotta make sure I don't act like how I normally would at a gathering like this. I better drop any thoughts of my actual personality, a baller with a martini in each hand and a lady at each side. _

"Good evening to you too, sir," the visitor spoke firmly. "My name is Colonel-" He was quickly interrupted by Haverford quickly shushing him.

"Sir, that's great and all, but at this party, you're gonna be named Colonel Brian Thunder. No, wait, that's terrible, my mistake. That's completely unprofessional. You will be known here as Colonel Swanson. Oh, please sir, do come in. After all, you were invited here."

"I still don't understand why I have to use Swanson as my name," the Colonel said, obviously getting irritated. "What kind of event is this?"

"You shall find out soon enough, Colonel Swanson." Haverford spoke as he hung up Swanson's coat on the rack near the door. He walked towards the library, leading his guest.

"Ann, could you attend to the Colonel? Make sure you give him anything he desires, but within reason of course." He glared at both of them and walked out, closing both doors. As he exited, the doorbell rang. There stood a young woman, dressed in all black attire and black eye makeup, wearing a small black hat on her head that was attached to a small piece of fishnet cloth that covered half of her face. She held a pipe in her mouth, which was clearly ornamental.

"Come in, miss. You are expected." Haverford spoke softly.

"Sure," she responded. "According to my letter, I've been told to be known as Miss Ludgate...why?" Miss Ludgate spoke with a slightly angry tone at the end of her syllables. She lowered her head and glared up at the butler from her small hat. Haverford took her coat as she crossed her arms, clearly upset that she didn't receive an answer. He led her to the library as well, opening the door which pushed Colonel Swanson into the wall, spilling his drink.

"Miss Ludgate, this is our maid, Ann." Ann and Miss Ludgate looked at each other with disgust towards the other in their eyes. "I...suppose you two know each other then." Haverford reacted awkwardly, then walked out of the library as the Colonel and Miss Ludgate greeted each other solemnly.


End file.
